Catholic during the Great Apostasy

I often return to those days

Forgotten but still alive

Long lonely and bad

Days without you

Days without a soul

Though the heart shed tears

And emptiness surrounded me

I didn’t know how close you were

.

How many nails how much blood

I was an executioner, I was him

Your Son I smote with my sin

And no tears will help

For how many pieces of silver I sold Him

How many times I denied Him

Never verbally

But his image

I buried deep in my soul

.

Somewhere at the bottom a little spark

Smoldered with Your love supported

And when the gates of hell were slamming shut

She showed me a helping hand

God took pity

But so hard to forgive myself

.

Forgetfulness is not given to me

All the crosses are deserved

Sometimes I just weep silently

Snuggled in your cloak

Lead the way Mother

Heart petrified and soul cold

Yet already ruthlessly faithful

.

The world lies in ruins

In the fumes of falsehood Your people are wallowing

I look and cry out

In the desert of life

In the valley of tears

The truth covered with silence

.

I accept Thy will

Before You I kneel

Before the world I will not

.

Another cross like every day

Prayer saves me

Mother guide me

Assist when I fall

Hold me when sadness overwhelms me

I cry out and the stones cry out too

2020

Arkadiusz Niewolski

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