Catholic during the Great Apostasy

I am nothing; dust, unworthy even of Your glance, Lord. For a long time, I was a blasphemer. 
Seven years have passed since my conversion – seven years of writing, searching, crying out. 
And the only thing confirmed is that I truly am nothing.

It’s interesting. 
Modernists claim that hell doesn’t exist – yet they insist that I will burn in it. 
Lefebvrists, on the other hand, hold a grudge against me because, from time to time, I write something sharp about them. 

But how can one remain silent about their flirtations with modernism? About promoting Faustina Kowalska and her false apparitions? 
How can one stay silent about abuses and scandals? 
Where is the line for silence?

Sedevacantists? I don’t know – I haven’t heard too many of their opinions. 
But there have been some attacks. Dozens of comments, long messages… All in the same tone: that I’m a heretic because I don’t say something. 
Apparently, I don’t explain clearly enough why Francis is not the pope. 
Honestly – I haven’t read everything, but that was roughly the message.

These arguments are strange to me. 
Why all these theological formulas, all these explanations? 
What is there even to explain?

The successor of Peter. How can someone like Bergoglio – or his predecessors – be the successor of St. Peter? How?! 
And what do I care if he says something officially or unofficially? 
If there’s even a shred of falsehood in his teaching – it must all be rejected. 
That is the Catholic faith. – Simple. Uncomplicated. 
Without theological knots that people tie themselves and then cannot untie. 
Theologian of one camp versus theologian of another. 
But why? 
What’s the point when the average person doesn’t understand any of it anyway?

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It’s normal. 
All this only shows what dust I am. 
The world rejects me – and good. It would be the last thing I need for the world to love me. 
Our Lord, Jesus Christ, said after all that the world would hate us. 
So where are you going? 
Instead of toward the Light, toward the Truth, toward God – you follow deceptive lights in the marshes. 
What are they made of? Where are they leading you?

It’s better to live with the harsh truth. 
In solitude. In silence. In complete silence. 
Without discussions. Without arguments. 
Only then do we truly find God. 
Not otherwise. Only in silence. In silence and in prayer. 
Listen to no one – for the time has come. 
We no longer pray in churches. And we will not pray in them. 
Prayer has been driven out. 
We pray only in the soul. 
For God is Spirit – and He must be worshipped in spirit and in truth. 
“God is Spirit” – are these not the words of our Lord Jesus Christ?

The temple has been destroyed. 
All that remains is the Church in our souls – on the rock of our faith. 
And that is a fact. 
All these disputes: which Mass, where to attend Mass, who celebrates it… 
These are all illusions. Mirages. 
Flickering lights in the marshes, where people, deceived by impostors, drown.

Everything that is not simple and guided by logic is a lie and does not come from God. 
Our Lord Jesus Christ taught in parables – not in convoluted riddles that require a few “learned” theologians to solve.

I’m not crying out in the wilderness, nor fighting windmills – I’m only writing. 
Why? 
Because no one wants to accept the truth. 
I care about the soul and salvation. 
And the truth in which one should believe.

But who believes in anything today – besides their own “self” and some idol crafted in the likeness of their own sins?

No one sees the lies – but the truth, always. 
Only to accuse it of falsehood and cast it into the abyss of oblivion, to the bottom of a soul that has become a landfill instead of the dwelling place of its rightful owner – God.

How many times can we debate Vatican II? 
I keep seeing it, and yet it’s so simple – a pact with the devil. 
“You will know them by their fruits” – are these not also the words of our Lord Jesus Christ?

I stand on ruins and see the conflagration of faith. 
Christians are dying by the thousands, hundreds of thousands are driven from their homes, 
and from the Vatican, we hear only about love for their murderers.

Do you really think all your theological disputes, which no one understands – including yourselves – are important?

I would like to leave already, for my soul is sorrowful unto death, but I write because I still believe someone is listening.

Loneliness of the Soul – Forbidden E-book

Arkadiusz Niewolski