Catholic during the Great Apostasy

Surrender to the will of God is often not what it seems to us in a human, and therefore flawed, way. I remember that after my heavy conversion (because heavy were my sins) I was so happy to be back to the majority. That was a few years ago, and I didn’t realize that everything was already in ruins. I was so happy. The collision with reality was very painful. Seeing it all I literally felt physical pain. Now I rarely feel it anymore, but the pain of the soul is much more terrible. Life did not spare me. I hardened and thought that after conversion I would not need my mental resilience, the ability to survive all adversity.

I also used to keep a blog with my mediocre poems. It was even, for poetry, popular, but dark. Someone even accused me that it should be banned for children and teenagers because it could lead to suicide. After my conversion, I erased all traces of it and thought: no more writing and heavy lonely passages. I returned to God. The ability to survive in all conditions proved to be very useful. The site that was created after the conversion- http://www.niewolnikmaryi.com, is continually banned and blocked. We also know from readers that priests advise against reading it and even ban it because of the “higher good,” etc. Attacks by Protestants, modernists and the rest are the order of the day. So my skills come in handy, though.

God gives man certain talents, and only in connection with God can they be properly used. My miserable life is a clear example of this. I enjoyed, ever since I can remember, writing, reading and listening to poetry. On the other hand, I was and am a big tough guy. And to top it off, I’ve always had mathematical abilities or the so-called “scientific mind. All these traits were like opposites and caused situations in my life that I felt like I had a split ego. I could not match these traits of my character in any way.

Such an anecdote from my life: Many years ago, I had a friend whose sister was a fairly well-known psychic. Persuaded, because I didn’t like such things, I went to see her. The interesting thing was that she didn’t want to say anything about me. She only said one sentence:

You are so strong that even an axe will not kill you. -And she ended the meeting.

After this incident, I sometimes thought that maybe someone would want to kill me with an axe….

Later I forgot about it. Years later at the time of my conversion, one of the things I was supposed to do after general confession was to read a passage from the Bible. I opened the Scriptures and the first sentence I saw was:

Already the axe to the root of the trees is applied. So every tree that does not bear good fruit will be cut down and thrown into the fire.

Then I remembered what I heard at the time. I think it was the first time in my adult life that I cried.

However, let’s return to the topic. Mathematics, the ability to think logically, cool analysis. After my conversion, I very quickly began to see the lies of today’s modernist church. I easily distinguished between truth and lies in matters of faith. Of course, in my foolishness, at first I thought this was some special gift from God. But quickly reading Catholic teachings brought me back down to earth. Yes, from God, but received at the start of my life, not now. It is nothing more than the ability to think logically, strictly not tainted by emotions, for example, because of who says or writes something. I wanted to point out that these are not some outstanding abilities, because everything is now visible. No one is hiding anything and you have to try really hard not to see the evil. Most don’t want to see or hear. And this is where another God-given talent comes in handy – the ability to survive in solitude . Here is the one thing that scares me. God sends you as many crosses as you can endure .I was able separated from God to survive a lot, and it is known that now, with God – not in solitude , I can certainly much more. That’s why I wonder so much sometimes, what else is in store for us…?

In summary, all the talents that I had and have – so incompatible with life in the world without God, not being able to develop anyway – perfectly match each other. And they complement each other precisely in God.

Our Lord Jesus Christ has given us talents, but they must be used to multiply our faith. To propagate the truth and fight against lies. If you use them for the opposite purpose, or bury them somewhere at the bottom of your soul you will be cast into darkness. After all, what I have been given is nothing extraordinary, but how useful in working in the Lord’s vineyard, and even necessary.

People are looking for visions, extraordinary spiritual experiences, while God can most often be found in silence and in the ordinary gray affairs of everyday life. Maybe those who run like this, from one priest to another, from one “revelation” to another, do not notice something they have very close in their souls. Maybe ordinary but very precious It can be found, however, only by being born again in God and Truth.

Arkadiusz Niewolski