Catholic during the Great Apostasy

One of the first prayers I wrote after my conversion was a plea for suffering. A short prayer, and one that fits very well with traditional Catholic faith. I only regret that I did not properly promote it at the time, misled by people with false theories that it was somehow a lack of humility, etc. The text of that prayer:

O Lord God, Beloved Savior, 
You in Your mercy allowed Your own martyr’s death. 
With innocent Blood You wash our wounds. 
I beg You! Allow me to relieve You, 
allow me to help You in Your Passion. 
I know that I am only miserable dust, 
a worm crawling across the desert of life. 
Not a single particle of me deserves Your most loving gaze 
and deserves nothing of what You give me in Your graciousness. 
But my desire is to be with You, 
and therefore I ask: send upon me 
a portion of Your cruel Passion, 
so that by helping You 
I may atone for my sins 
and make reparation for the blasphemies hurled against You and Your Immaculate Mother 
by the faithless people, and above all by priests and the entire clergy.

I … take up my cross and follow You to Golgotha. 
You know, my Lord, what is good for me. 
I trust in You and my desire is to be with You – not only in sunshine, but also in rain. 
Therefore I humbly ask for suffering 
that will purify my soul – and, by Your grace – other souls. 
Yet let Your will be done, not mine.

Amen.

An ordinary prayer that, through deception, was presented as something extraordinary.

It is interesting that Satan very rarely attacks us directly and suggests evil thoughts. Unfortunately, most often it is the people closest to us who, at all costs, want to clip our wings. It is so human and so diabolical – sometimes it is impossible to see the difference. And we know why: a human being without God becomes a reflection of Satan on earth and, if one may say so, even something worse than Satan – who is a fallen but clever and intelligent angel, whereas man often lacks intelligence.

Despite various adversities, I prayed this way every day.

Later came a second prayer, which met with a similar reaction as the first one. One day I was praying in front of the statue of Our Lady of Fatima. An empty church, half-darkness and complete silence. It was in those conditions that it was born:

Eternal God! 
In Your boundless love 
You delivered Your Son into the hands of human tormentors. 
He, for our salvation, to show the way, 
delivered Himself to torments and cruel death. 
Now I, a wretch and dust of this world, 
Slave of Mary, ask You, 
Beloved Savior, 
through Your Wounds from which Most Precious Blood 
flows so abundantly, washing away our sorrows and sufferings, 
look with a merciful eye upon those who surrender to Your will, 
praying with the words of the Crucified One, 
handed over to Martyrs’ Death – 
our Lord Jesus Christ: 
“Nevertheless not my will, but Yours be done.”

Relieve them in their sufferings, 
take from them that cross which we, as Slaves of Mary, 
so greatly desiring to share with You the torments of Golgotha, 
will gladly take upon ourselves, doing penance 
for the sins of the world and the outrages committed 
against Your Most Precious Blood and Painful Wounds.

Let Your will be done! 
Most Holy Mother, be with us, Your slaves. 
In the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit. Amen.

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These two prayers became an inseparable part of my life. Every day I begin by reciting them and repenting of my sins.

At first I was afraid, and that fear was intensified by accusations that pride was guiding me. Although I could not see how pride could possibly appear, various strange reactions to writing these prayers left a trace of uncertainty.

After many years I can assure you that this is one of the best – most effective and, one might say, safest – forms of prayer.

The prayer for suffering is at the same time a prayer to accept suffering upon oneself, and therefore it is in a way a request to remove suffering – but in a specific way.

Few people realize that praying to take away suffering can mean healing, but – depending on God’s will – it can also mean the death of a given person. I write more about this here:

Prayer for Healing – Another Dimension of Spirituality

People pray for healing, for the removal of suffering, but crosses are an inseparable part of our life.

Rom 5:3-4 
“…but we also glory in tribulations, knowing that tribulation produces perseverance; and perseverance, character; and character, hope.”

What is a life worth without the obstacles we constantly encounter on our path? 
It is precisely these crosses with which our earthly existence is strewn that shape our character, give us strength and teach us how to act. They awaken in us the constant need to think and seek solutions in difficult situations.

James 1:2-4 
“Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds, for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness. And let steadfastness have its full effect, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing.”

A life without problems teaches us nothing – we become mindless machines focused only on taking care of our own pleasures. Senseless, will-less beings living just to live.

Nobody really wants to be like that, right?

This is simply a fact that cannot be denied.

Now let us move to the most important thing in our faith. It is said that God sends us only as much as we can bear.

1 Cor 10:13 
“No temptation has overtaken you that is not common to man. God is faithful, and he will not let you be tempted beyond your ability, but with the temptation he will also provide the way of escape, that you may be able to endure it.”

One can of course interpret this verse as referring only to sin and temptation, but the fact remains that God does not desire our destruction, so we have nothing to fear – we will always persevere if we believe in God as much as He believes in us.

God loves us, and the more love, the more crosses – which truly make us valuable people.

This short text had only one purpose: to encourage you to pray for suffering – a very important element of our faith.

Do not think about it. Do not weigh the pros and cons. Simply kneel down and start praying!

“Jesus, I want to suffer, I want to be crucified with You, I want to drink the cup that You drank.”

Then the world will change – and you will change. You will certainly be closer to God than to people.

There is only one question.

Do you want that?

Arkadiusz Niewolski