Catholic during the Great Apostasy

So much, O God, I would like to tell You
So much I would still like to do
I sink into unawareness
Into the forgetting of all things
Sometimes the soul weeps, though these are not my tears
Again the walls, the crowns of thorns of life.
It is so hard for me to rise
To lift the cross and walk on
The darkness from which You pulled me is already so close
The soul no longer screams
The heart no longer cries
So much, O God, I would like to tell You…
So much to do…
Why don’t You take me away?
Why? Please, tell me!
Memory fades, and with it awareness

That having You, Lord, a human is never alone.
So much more I would like to write
But what for?
I will not break the wall of unbelief alone
Pretty photos and images, and in souls boundless emptiness
Maybe it’s good that I will leave like this
I will not remember how much evil I have done
So much, O God, I would like to tell You, but time is already running out
I will rise, though strength is gone
How far I will go—only You know….
Days have grown short, nights long
I weep, yet not a single tear falls

Arkadiusz Niewolski