Catholic during the Great Apostasy

“Truth is so obscured in these times, and falsehood so firmly established, that it cannot be known unless it is loved.” 
Blaise Pascal, *Pensées*

Sometimes, and one could even say quite often, I prayed to God to take me from this world, or, in simpler terms, for my own death. It must be clarified immediately that this is not about depressive states bordering on suicide. Before my conversion, such thoughts occurred to me, but I never asked God for it; I only wanted to take my own life.

One of the sayings that resonates with me the most is: 
*Sadly, my God, until my death.*

Sometimes, I am overwhelmed by such sadness, interwoven with dread. I cannot grasp with my simple mind what is happening in this world. The reality surrounding us is, to put it delicately, devoid of logic. One thing is certain: mathematics, logic, or probability are laws governing this world, established by God. Anything contrary to these sciences is wrong. Science, contrary to popular opinion, does not deny the existence of God but confirms it.

Who, however, can judge this today? Likely very few, because thinking is not the strongest suit of modern man. The decline in human intelligence is a fact and progresses at such a rapid pace that so-called contemporary scientists cannot keep up with understanding why this is happening. I try, sometimes very hard, to understand people’s way of thinking, but apparently, I am too unintelligent to succeed.

In Gethsemane, Jesus Christ said: 
*My soul is sorrowful even unto death.*

Why? Because our Lord saw the Resurrection, and death is merely a stage in our life full of cares, sorrows, problems, and sometimes joys. The sadness that engulfs a soul seeing the deceit of the world can surpass all earthly feelings, such as love or hatred. Then comes our inner breaking point and entry into the spiritual world, and death is only a stage.

We walk through the temple, as Jesus Christ once did, but there is a radical difference between our reaction and that of the Savior. He, seeing deceit and hypocrisy, did not turn his gaze away or pretend not to hear. He did not attack those who spoke the truth but rather the liars—Pharisees, scribes, and merchants for whom money was more important than respect for God’s Temple. Today, we see the complete opposite: people attack those who contradict the teachings of some favored preacher. No one seems bothered that he might contradict what the Gospel and Revelation convey to us.

Pervasive lies can overwhelm us. The informational cesspool offered by the world seems indestructible, insurmountable. Moreover, every person who perceives the Truth is usually alone, with no support from anyone. Unfortunately, most people believe they see the truth, but it is not the truth. Nothing is true if it contains even a trace of falsehood.

It is truly worth pausing sometimes and looking around. In silence, we find God, and thus the Truth.

Why are so many people, whom you think are fighting modernism in the Church, the system, or Freemasonry, not banned? Many of them sell their books on Amazon and freely write on social media. I don’t know if you realize that censorship is now so advanced that everything is censored. Write one text they don’t like, and the system will block it. It doesn’t end there, because not only your name but also the email address you used, your website, and so on, end up on a blacklist.

It must be immediately clarified that the basic lie—that someone is too popular and they’re afraid to block them—is nonsense. It’s obvious that such claims are deceitful. Social media blocked the President of the USA, Trump, so they’re not afraid of anyone.

God demands absolute truth from us, but Satan does not demand absolute falsehood. He is intelligent and knows he will find few such desperados. It can be called “not quite.” This phrase is like Satan’s hallmark. Not quite a lie, not quite the truth—and thus a negation of the words of our Lord, Jesus Christ.

One could say these are houses built on sand. That’s how it is for most people, but for those with the ability to think critically, it’s too obvious a lie, which they reject. The most dangerous are fortresses built on rock, but in one place, the rock ends and turns into a pile of stones eroded by a flowing stream. Slowly, imperceptibly, but consistently, until such a building collapses. That’s how even a single lie woven into an ideology works. Everything that is not an absolute confirmation of the teachings given to us by our Lord, Jesus Christ, is merely a human, false ideology, no matter what guise it wears—Latin or national, it makes no difference.

*Sadly, my God, until my death*—these words, when spoken by human lips, signify hope for salvation. The hope of a person who, living in spiritual solitude, tries to break down the walls of falsehood. How many of us are left? Observing the world, one might assume very few.

We, as http://www.niewolnikmaryi.com, since my conversion, have not changed our course toward the Truth, but we notice an ever-tightening noose around the so-called resistance movement. Unfortunately, these are not external shackles but an internal closing off into sectarian circles. Why? The answer, as always, is simple. Such situations will never arise if God, and thus the Truth—even the harshest Truth—is put first, rather than some preacher who, even if he is the most admirable priest, is only human.

We are left with hope, love, and faith, and may the beautiful words of Christ always accompany us: 
*My soul is sorrowful even unto death!*

In them is contained complete devotion to God, who will never abandon us.

Arkadiusz Niewolski