Catholic during the Great Apostasy

It’s cloudy outside the window. It is raining . I lie tired I don’t know if life or work . I look at you Lord , at the cross hanging on the wall .

I am sad God, until death

In the small room in the attic a tear will sometimes fall . The sadness of the soul hurts so much . Sometimes I would like to scream
Why have you abandoned me God!
But instead a quiet whisper comes out of my mouth :

Lord You are always and we are able to erase You from memory.

I write I speak but silence like a sword forged in the infernal abyss pierces my heart and soul wounds so much. I would like to die but with my life I have to pay back my sins.

I am sad God, until death

I sink into silence , the memory is gone , I close my eyes but sleep does not come . A soundless cry shakes my body and a silent scream is a sign of how much I hurt .

Dusk falls , the world hides in darkness , I have to pick myself up although it hurts more each time .

I am sad God, until death

Who am I ?

Nobody

A mirror in which I look for my true image, but the world has shattered the mirror and now I put it together piece by piece and glue it together with love for you Lord .

Mother of God guides me , but forgive me sometimes I am like Lot’s wife , or like Jonah fleeing to Spain .

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Arkadiusz Niewolski